A Do It Yourself Ashes Test Match Report

Can't wait for the Ashes? Get started early with a DIY Test.

England captain Ben Stokes 

1. won

2. lost

3. ignored

4. telekinetically controlled 

the toss and the home side bowled first, with Jimmy Anderson taking the new ball alongside 

1. Stuart Broad

2. Ollie Robinson

3. Jack Leach

4. a mannequin brought to life by a kiss from Brendon McCullum

Australia were swiftly in trouble after 

1. the loss of early wickets

2. hurling a stream of unnecessary abus…