Australia v England Test, Day Two Report Card

Featuring unassailable logic, the limits of geometry, The Hundred, street maths and cartoons

Unassailable Logic
Grade: A

Australia began the second day of the Test with Annabel Sutherland and Phoebe Litchfield at the crease, unaware that, overnight, England had concocted a wily riposte to Australia’s long batting line-up.

“If,” their reasoning went. “We never take another wicket, does it even matter how deep you bat?”

It was unassailable logic, and the pair at the crease felt quite the fools as England failed to take several early catches.

But just as Sutherland and Litchfield knuckled down to see who would reach their double century first, England pulled the ol’ switcheroo, Lauren Bell finding the edge of young Litcheroo to have Australia 2/99.

The Limits of Geometry
Grade: C

Unperturbed by England’s sudden abandonment of rationality, Sutherland continued on, bringing up her fifty with a drive that summed up the precision of her batting, beating not just one diving England fielder, nor two, but three.

To place the ball out of reach of one fielder is good batting. Bisecting the field is next level. But trisecting the field? That’s a lovely way to bring up a half-century. (Also, fun fact: impossible to do with just a straightedge and compass, as Ancient Greek mathematicians were forced to begrudgingly accept. Take that, Pythagoras, you nitwit!)

Sutherland and Alyssa Healy saw Australia to parity with England’s first innings total before Sophie Ecclestone (or to use her full name, Best Bowler In The World, Sophie Ecclestone) trapped the Australian captain in front.

Healy reviewed, certain that she’d inside edged it onto her pad, but there was insufficient proof (geometric or otherwise), and third umpire Apollonius of Perga had no choice but to deduce that she was out.

The Hundred
Grade: D

Before Healy’s wicket, there was the first-meal break, reduced to half an hour as part of the ongoing effort to ensure nobody ever remembers or understands how the timing of day-night Test sessions work.

Worse still, the reduction of this first break to half an hour really screws over those kids who come out onto the field to play mini-cricket during it. Give them back those ten minutes, Cricket Australia, you monsters!

Who do you think you are, forsaking tradition and removing valuable overs from a short, fun game of cricket? The ECB?

Street Maths
Grade: B+

Meanwhile, Beth Mooney, precision engineered to drive opposition fielding teams insane, arrived at the crease and immediately started turning ones into twos, like some kind of mathematical street magician. Dots became ones. Twos became threes. Astonishing sleight of arithmetical hand.