Australia v India Fifth Test, Day One Report Card
Featuring opting out of Tests, Beau Webster's hands, imaginary flaws, the chastening of Rishabh Pant and firing up Jasprit Bumrah
Opting Out of Tests
Grade: B+
The fifth and final Test of this series brought team changes aplenty! The Australians elected to swap Mitch Marsh out for a Beau Webster. But India trumped them effortlessly by dumping their captain Rohit Sharma, and returning Shubman Gill to the side.
Naturally, nobody was actually willing to admit that Rohit had been dumped, with replacement captain Jasprit Bumrah carefully sticking to the line at the toss that Rohit had ‘opted out’ of the Test, choosing to rest himself.
(Around about this point, Marsh jogged over and interrupted proceedings with a hearty ‘Uh, yeah. Me too. I'm opting out of the Test as well. That's the option all right. My option. Proper opting. From me. Opting. Out.’ and off he went for a rest.)
Not that either Marsh or Rohit should necessarily consider this the end of their career. Why, on the very same morning, we saw an example of somebody picking themselves up from the cricketing scrapheap, dusting themselves off and forcing their way back to the top, with the announcement that Justin Langer was going to coach the London Spirit in The Hundred.
I’m almost tempted to play in The Hundred now, just so I can be a fly on the wall for Langer’s first team talk (imagine all this being spoken to you with JL’s trademark intense eye contact):
“You're part of the London Spirit, boys. Never forget that. You’re carrying on the noble tradition that began with the founding of Londinium in forty-three AD. The signing of the Magna Carta. St Paul's Cathedral. The Silver Jubilee. Jack the Ripper. The Blitz. The Golden Jubilee. The 2012 Olympics. The 1908 Olympics. The Diamond Jubilee. The Elephant Man…”
And so on and so forth.
Beau Webster’s Hands
Grade: B-
The point is that Bumrah won the toss and chose to bat on a pitch that did plenty. Not that the pitch was too much to blame for KL Rahul’s dismissal, lazily clipping (the ‘KL’ stands for ‘Klipped Lazily’) a half-volley from Mitchell Starc to Sam Konstas at square leg.
I mean, come on, KL. If India wanted an opener who could get out that mindlessly, they would have just stuck with Rohit.
Yashasvi Jaiswal soon followed, caught in the slips by the giant diving hands of Webster. The delighted Australian team, led by Konstas, raced over to congratulate the newcomer on taking the catch. “What a thrill that must be for you,” said Konstas. “Now you truly feel as if you’re one of us.”
Webster would prove to be a constant threat in the slips, diving in front of Steve Smith at every opportunity to pouch anything that flew in that direction. So much so that Marnus Labuschagne eventually had to pull him aside to have a quiet word with him. (Well, not ‘quiet’. It’s Marnus. But you get it.)
Webster would not be dissuaded, however. And rightly so. Because Smith would later drop a sitter, and Webster himself found the edge twice only for the ball to either not carry or be spilt by the fielder. Much like when Cameron Green bowls, Webster needs to be in the slips to himself.
Imaginary Flaws
Grade: D
Speaking of spilt chances, Virat Kohli came to the crease after Jaiswal’s dismissal, with Scott Boland targeting the area outside off stump.
Immediately, the commentators began talking about the fifth and sixth stump line problem for Kohli. Nonsense chat. Use your eyes, people. There are only three stumps. An imaginary flaw. Kohli still perfect. (Please subscribe to this newsletter.)
Kohli then flashed at the first ball he faced, edging it low to Smith in the cordon, who somehow dived and scooped it up to Labuschagne who took the rebound catch with his usual understatement and modesty.
But wait a moment. The umpires sent the decision upstairs to third umpire Joel Wilson, who sensibly decided to not allow this Test to be immediately abandoned, ruling Kohli not out!
(To be fair, I agree with the decision. The ball seemed to graze the ground as Smith scooped it up. Unlucky, and brilliant, but not out. It’s almost as if (and bear with me here, Sunil Gavaskar) the technology of hi-def super slow motion cameras are useful in determining whether a ball touches something on the way to a fielder.)
The Chastening of Rishabh Pant
Grade: F
Not that it mattered much. Kohli delivered another gift to the slips, tied up with a Beau, not too long afterwards. India were 4/72 in the middle session, and despite some restrained batting from a chastened Rishabh Pant, couldn’t get away from the relentless attack.
(Not that Pant was completely chastened. He walloped Boland into the sight screen sheets at one point, losing the ball in such a way that the ground staff were required to summon a ladder with which to retrieve it. Excellent cricket from everybody involved. Although, maybe next time, whoever rescues the ball should not just have to climb ladders but also jump barrels? Something to consider.)
Pant was eventually caught in the slips off Boland’s bowling to leave India 5/120. Nitish Kumar Reddy then followed first ball, and only some lusty hitting from Bumrah ensured his team reached 185.
Presumably being bowled out on the first day for less than 200 is all part of Bumrah’s go-to captaincy plans?
Firing Up Jasprit Bumrah
Grade: D
Nevertheless, India being bowled out shortly before stumps meant that they had the opportunity for a quick jab at the openers. A rough estimate suggested Bumrah might squeeze in three overs (or to convert it to metric, four wickets).
Cleverly, however, Australia wasted enough time to limit the number of overs faced to not three from Bumrah, but three overall. (Should the batting side receive over rate penalties in the World Test Championship? Yes. Also, umpires.)
Usman Khawaja’s heroic dithering at the crease managed to sufficiently rile up Bumrah that he gesticulated at the Australian batter to ‘face up already’. Konstas, at the non-striker’s end, then decided to inexplicably get involved, having words with Bumrah. Bumrah then started arguing with Konstas. And in the end, enough time was wasted with all the arguing about time being wasted that there was only one ball left in the day.
Needless to say, Bumrah used that one ball to dismiss Khawaja (caught in the slips by Beau Webster? Get out of there, Beau!) and the India side, as one, roared their triumph at Konstas.
A powerful comeuppance for the young man, and a valuable lesson learned. If you fire Bumrah up, he’ll respond by taking wickets.
Or, at least that would be the lesson learned, if Bumrah hadn’t already been taking wickets every other ball all series, cheerily beaming the entire time.
(Remember when Konstas got Bumrah so fired up in the first Test, he bowled Australia out for 104? Why did he do that? Yes, he’s young. But crazy to travel back in time to irritate the best bowler in the world, inspiring him to destroy Australia’s top order.)
No, as compelling as it might be for narrative purposes to have Bumrah’s wicket of Khawaja be the fault of Konstas, I’m almost certain that the true blame can be squarely laid primarily on a) Bumrah and b) Khawaja.
Having said all this, if Sam Konstas was a real person and not just a mischievous imp on my television screen, I’m quite confident that being forced to interact with him would irritate the bejeezus out of me too.
All things considered, though, this was a day of cricket that required the unexpected deployment of a ladder and, hence, an excellent day of cricket.
