Australia v India Fourth Test, Day Two Report Card

Featuring love affairs, forced DRS, Impossiballs™, Boozy-boos and big days out

Love Affairs
Grade: B-

The second day began with Pat Cummins and Steve Smith at the crease. The Australian captain and former captain (in this case, the previously mentioned Cummins and Smith, rather than, say, Alyssa Healy and Tubby Taylor - context clues, people!) combined for an effortless century partnership.

Cummins was eventually caught at mid-off for 49, selflessly choosing not to undercut Sam Konstas’s debut half-century by making it look as if it was the kind of thing any old number eight batter could accomplish.

Smith, on the other hand, brought up yet another century at the MCG, ‘continuing his love affair with the ground’.

Y’know, I like it when commentators refer to a player having a ‘love affair’ with a specific ground. I just wish they went into far more salacious detail on the relationship.

Tell us about sneaking around for a net session away from prying eyes, or a burner bat that you secretly use to hide what’s going on, or the thrill of interacting with the ground in a non-cricketing capacity, smiling at the secret knowledge of your illicit tryst.

That kind of stuff. More Steve Smith-Melbourne Cricket Ground erotica please!

Anyway, good thinking from Smith to bring up his 34th Test century when Kane Williamson doesn't have a Test innings the next day to match him. Always looking to improve his game is the former Australian captain (yes, still Smith).

Forced DRS
Grade: D

After Smith was out (advancing down the pitch to Akash Deep, deflecting a ball into his pads, then watching helplessly as it trickled slowly, inexorably, into the base of the stumps to gently pry the bail off - very normal dismissal), Scott Boland and Nathan Lyon had some last wicket fun, with Boland successfully reviewing a couple of out dismissals against him, as they helped Australia reach 474.

Obviously, with three reviews still available, this last pair was always going to review every LBW decision against them, no matter how plumb. Did that prevent the Fox commentary team from praising the wily judgement of Boland (and, at times, the astute assistance of Lyon at the non-striker’s end) in sending the decisions upstairs?

I’ll give you one guess. And, if you get it wrong, you can review it with no negative ramifications whatsoever.

Still, maybe I’m being too harsh on the commentators. Lyon eventually showed how tricky it was to make this forced DRS look like a shrewd strategic ploy, reviewing and departing the ground simultaneously, before hesitating on the edge of the rope on the off-chance he’d have to return, before the eternal wisdom of the eventual umpire’s call sent him on his way.

Frankly, he looked like a damn fool in a way that Boland didn’t.

On the plus side, Lyon’s wicket meant that Jasprit Bumrah fell just short of his century, finishing with 4/99.

Impossiballs™
Grade: A-

In pursuit of Australia’s 474, India captain Rohit Sharma decided it would be simpler if he got his lost wicket out of the way early, loitering at the crease alongside Yashasvi Jaiswal for a couple of overs, before Cummins dismissed him and the proper opening partnership could commence.

Jaiswal and KL Rahul then saw India to the brink of tea before Cummins bowled one of his patented Impossiballs™ to dismiss the latter. You know the kind - pitch in line, move just enough to beat the outside edge of the bat, clip the off stump bail. Picture it in your mind’s eye. Doesn’t matter which. The Joe Root one. The other Joe Root one. Babar Azam. Kusal Mendis. Thought of it? Yeah, that’s what KL Rahul got. (Also, you owe Pat $0.89 - it’s trademarked, remember?)

Sure, the Fox commentators then went back and showed how Cummins had ‘set up’ Rahul. But I strongly believe that if you completely randomised the three deliveries prior to a wicket, that same commentary team would still not hesitate to weave a narrative about how the bowler set up the wicket. Sometimes, folks, it’s enough to run in and bowl an Impossiball™.

On the other hand, while the Impossiball™ is an okay delivery from Cummins, until he can trickle one into a stump off Smith’s legs, I’m forced to concede that Akash Deep is the superior bowler.

Boozy-Boos
Grade: B-