Australia v Pakistan Second Test Report Card, Day Three

Featuring third umpires being trapped in elevators, Travis Head filth and neologisms

Third Umpires Being Trapped In Elevators
Grade: A+

As we all know, cricket is the greatest sport on Earth. We were reminded again of this truth as Australia prepared to resume their second innings after lunch on the third day. That’s when play was delayed for several minutes because third umpire Richard Illingworth was, uh, trapped in a lift.

I mean, in terms of the best sports, it’s not even close, is it? A key match official being trapped in an elevator feels like something that would bookend a clip show episode out of the worst kind of 1980s sitcom - something called For Good or For Illingworth, perhaps - in which Richard would spend the episode trapped, reminiscing about important and beloved scenes from previous episodes, saving valuable production money with every spliced-in flashback to a recycled clip.

BAD AI ART OF: A very special episode of For Good or For Illingworth

Eventually, Illingworth escaped, presumably by using one of those little emergency phones they have in there: “I’ve checked the ground level and it’s a legitimate entry point. Just rock and roll the elevator. Yes. Clear gap between first and second floor. Can I have the third floor when ready.”