Australia v Pakistan Third Test Report Card, Day Two

Featuring transferable probability hexes and bad light meters

Transferable Probability Hexes
Grade: B+

We resumed on the second day with David Warner at the crease, looking to bid farewell in the style we’ve come to expect from him. By which, of course, I mean, edging to slip where a Pakistan fielder inexplicably drops him.

Come on, Pakistan. ‘Slip’ is just the name of the fielding position. It’s not an instruction on what you’re supposed to do with any chances that come that way.

Remember a couple of years back when the stats used to show that Marnus Labuschagne was the luckiest batter in the world in terms of chances being dropped off him? Weird that he let Warner borrow that from him. But also kinda lovely?

Let’s hope Warner gives it back at the end of this Test once he’s done with it. Or maybe even give it to somebody more interesting? I say, get Jake Fraser-McGurk into the side as the new opener and have him thrash things around with a probability hex on his side. Lots of upside to this. An injection of not just youth into the team, but also comedy potential. Firstly, in the name, which is comically rich, what with the hyphenated surname and the abundance of ‘K’ sounds throughout. But secondly, and more importantly, the kid was once sent home from an U19 World Cup having been scratched by a monkey! Imagine what he can do at Test level! Frankly, I’m surprised he’s not captain already.

Sorry, I got carried away there. Anyway, Warner got out a bit later, Marnus joined Usman Khawaja, and I had a bit of a snooze on the couch until lunch. Great morning of Test cricket.