Australia v Pakistan Third Test Report Card, Day Three

Featuring small pieces of black plastic, knowledgeable crowds and Josh Hazlewowowod

Small Pieces of Black Plastic
Grade: D

The third day began with Steve Smith and Marnus Labuschagne doing their thing (ie, being a pair of odd little batting-obsessed weirdos). At one point, Steve Smith decided he was distracted by a rolled-up piece of black tape on the sight screen and made everybody wait for about ten minutes until a brave hero removed it. So, y’know, that kind of stuff.

One day I’d like to see an opposition batter claim to be distracted by Nathan Lyon’s bald head and refuse to face up to him until he gets a hair transplant. Let’s see how far we can push this.

Suddenly, however, Smith got bored with chipping away at Pakistan’s lead, and decided he’d instead chip away at a ball outside off stump, hitting it straight to Babar Azam, one of three close in cover fielders.

Classic Smith. He can spot a small piece of plastic at the other end of the ground yet not notice an actual fielder standing a dozen metres from him.