Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains v Brawn 2 - Episode 16
Featuring complicauctions, undercover Kaelans, standing on one leg, alliance technicalities and little differences
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Previously on Australian Survivor: Myles was giddy, Kaelan was fishy and Laura was toast
Complicauctions
Grade: C+
After breaking up Logan and Laura the night before, AJ, Myles and Kaelan come together under cover of darkness to decide their next target. Unfortunately, Kaelan begins to suffer from an untimely dose of Myles-voice, and mentions Karin’s name loud enough for Kate to maybe overhear.
This, however, doesn’t lead to anything, because it’s time instead for an auction! The players know this because they spot JLP standing at a desk, which is pretty spurious reasoning if you ask me. The presence of a desk does not necessarily imply an auction. JLP could, for example, be hosting a new tonight show.
(Also, fun fact: ‘spurious’ was due to have been Zen’s word of the day had he made it this far. RIP, Zen.)
Turns out it’s sort of an auction, but not quite. JLP explains how it’s going to work: “One by one, you’ll approach my desk where I’ll present two covered items. At that point, I’ll toss a coin—”
“May we eat the coin?” asks Myles.
“No.” JLP continues. “If you win the coin toss, I’ll uncover one item of your choosing before you decide which item you would like me to finally give you. However, if you lose the coin toss, I will not uncover either item and you will be forced to choose between two covered items. When you make your choice, I will uncover the item you chose (unless you have already uncovered it by winning the coin toss, in which case I will simply leave it uncovered), and you may take that item back with you and the next player will approach my desk to face two freshly covered items.”
“This seems needlessly complicated,” points out Morgan.
“Wait until you see Tribal Council,” replies JLP.
Undercover Kaelans
Grade: B+
Despite its intricacies, the new auction format has all the usual drama. Kate steals Kristin’s lasagne! AJ is forced to choose between OJ and HJ’s! And Paulie forgoes a phone call from home in favour of a pickle!
Ha ha ha! Great stuff.
The enraged Paulie dons his newly created ‘buffaclava’ and tries to steal better food from JLP, but security soon sorts that out and everybody heads back to the beach.
But they barely have enough time to discuss their next schemes (at one point, apparently inspired by the auction, Kaelan volunteers to go undercover - which raises the delicious prospect of a reality TV spinoff called ‘Undercover Kaelan’), because it’s time for another immunity challenge.
Perhaps a puzzle of some kind?
No. Don’t be silly.
Standing On One Leg
Grade: D+
Instead, it’s a classic game of ‘Flamingo!’, in which players must stand on one leg for as long as they can.
Unfortunately for pretty much everybody else, Kate also took up standing on one leg during Covid, and just settles in for days, while everybody else starts dropping out as their muscles start to cramp.
Eventually, it’s just Logan and Kate left, both seemingly pretty relaxed as the challenge stretches past the one hour mark.
“This is a very long time to be stuck in one position,” says JLP at one point, referring to his presence at the challenge.
And so Kate makes up a new rule that they have to keep hands on heads, like kindergarten toddlers.
“Wait, what?” says Logan.
“I’ll allow it!” decrees JLP.
Alliance Technicalities
Grade: B+
Kate therefore wins the challenge, and everybody scurries off to scheme, most notably, noted scheme-scurriers, AJ, Myles and Karin.
Somehow they come up with a 5-3-2 split, which seems needlessly convoluted. Perhaps they’re thinking of a soccer formation? Regardless, as soon as Karin wanders off, after warning AJ not to monkey about with the plan, AJ immediately starts monkeying about with it.
Karin returns, fuming, accusing AJ and Myles of working with Kate and Morgan. Myles soon sets her straight. “We’re not in an alliance with Kate and Morgan…” He gestures to AJ. “I mean, he is. But I’m not.”
Good technicality work from Myles, who may be getting funnier with each episode.
Little Differences
Grade: B+
As they all arrive at Tribal Council, JLP informs them that ‘tonight is a little different’. What if one time when JLP says ‘tonight is a little different’ he means that it’s a little different because it’s the only time after saying ‘tonight is a little different’ that the vote proceeds as normal? That’d mess with their heads.
No, instead JLP tells them all that the tribe will be split in two - the Bounty tribe and the Barren tribe, which seems perhaps unfortunate terminology. (For the obvious reasons, yes, but also because one is a noun and the other an adjective. Some lexicological consistency please, team!)
He explains how the split will work.
“Kate will choose one player to be on the Bounty tribe. That player must eat a Bounty chocolate bar. You will then all vote for two players to join the Barren tribe. The third and fourth least votes will also join The Amazing Race, where they must complete a leg to Tokyo and a challenge with a samurai sword. The four remaining players will then draw rocks. The player with the best drawing of a rock will then be asked to host a small art show, in which anybody in possession of a pickle may bid on the sketches. At that point, if all the Bounty chocolates have been eaten, Kate may choose one other player to go to fire making, where…”
The players dutifully scrawl all this down, but when JLP realises that he’s lost his fourth page of instructions, he abandons the whole process and instead chooses new tribes himself, based primarily on who complained least during the auction.
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