Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains v Brawn 2 - Episode 5
Featuring morning moods, hair clumps, sharing secrets and age old questions
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Previously on Australian Survivor: The first fifteen minutes were missed, Myles had kicking music and we finally got rid of that irritating Nash.
Morning Moods
Grade: B
After The Project finishes bang on time (and, yes, I am working on a theory that last night’s early Australian Survivor start was a trick to get us to stop complaining about The Project running long), we’re straight into the Brawns camp, deNashed, and starting afresh, with a backing classical piece (‘Morning Mood’ from Edvard Greig’s Peer Gynt Suite. You know the one, the piece where ‘shit’s all serene and tranquil, with flutes just crackin’ on’ (quote courtesy of an Australian Crescendo Magazine review from 1877)).
Great stuff. The editors are on fire this season.
Which, of course, is more than we can say about the Brains tribe, who are still struggling to get their fire restarted. Luckily, Zara is on the case, and we learn from her backstory that she’s the vice president of the PTA, and also she’s annoyed because Laura doesn’t want to vote out Rich, who she (Zara) despises. Should Zara pivot from the Coven alliance to a new one called The PTA? From a branding perspective, you know it works.
Ally, meanwhile, is annoyed that AJ is sitting in a tree so tells him to stop it.
Anyway, the point is that there’s easily enough friction in the Brains tribe to start a fire. So they do.
Hair Clumps
Grade: D+
Time now for a challenge, a classic game of Gather Ye Muds ’n’ Tile Toss. The reward? A shower to wash all the mud off!
Max raises his hand. “Understand the mud challenge, JLP, but at what point in it are we forced to beat the living snot out of one another?”
This elicits a JLP Chuckle™, and he confirms that this time around there will be no physical confrontation, to groans of disappointment from all the testosterone-heads still remaining.
Brawn wins the challenge, but get to choose one Brains member to come join them for a shower. Despite Logan’s tears and claims that her hair is coming out in clumps, they select Ally. Partly because she argued for letting Brawn have the sausages in the previous episode (never let anybody tell you that a sausage sizzle doesn’t have ramifications - they always, always do).
But mostly because, ugh, who wants hair clumps in your shower?
Sharing Secrets
Grade: F
Also? Turns out Ally is willing to tell the Brawn tribe everything she knows! She breaks down tribe dynamics, who’s on the outer, who can’t be trusted, who’s playing hard, whether there’s actually a player named Kaelan on the tribe (‘I don’t think so?’), the source of the Coven’s powers, and so forth.
But just as she’s about to teach them all of Laura’s best spells, it’s time for an immunity challenge, a classic game of Building Blocks Fire See-Saw.
The Brains race to an early lead, Myles surging past the puzzle portion of the challenge like it was an A-League goalkeeper. But, uh-oh, here come the Brawn tribe, cruising to an effortless win when the still slightly tipsy Ally and the not-tipsy-but-also-understandably-wary-of-fire-given-the-historical-treatment-of-witches Laura can’t get a fire going, despite having a flint.
Age Old Questions
Grade: A-
A disappointing outcome for the Brains tribe, but, on the plus side, given the equal numbers in the women’s alliance (‘The Coven’) and the men’s alliance (the, uh, ‘Bomb Squad’), at least we’ll finally learn the answer to the age old question of who would win in a fight between witches and explosives.
Also, the slightly less old question of: Do bombs have auras?
Nobody seems at all concerned about the idea that, ostensibly, the two sides are deadlocked five apiece. Maybe the women have forgotten about Kaelan’s existence?
And maybe the men are convinced the Coven is about to split, with the women unable to agree on which man to get rid of. And, hence, maybe their plan of targeting Ally, based on her bossiness and blabber-mouthing, will come to fruition.
Not that any of it matters, because as they arrive at Tribal Council, JLP decrees that this vote - potentially the most interesting one of the season - is too interesting.
JLP (to the Bomb Squad): So, you all know who you’re voting for? Yes? Or no?
ALL: Y
Instead, it’s a non-elimination episode, and somebody will be sent to the Brawn tribe. AJ, who, I forgot to mention found an idol at some point, volunteers to go to the Brawn tribe. He’s overruled, though (‘you go sit in your tree and think about what you’ve done!’), and Rich is sent instead.
But we never did find out who would win in a fight between a bomb and a witch. This age old riddle lives on…
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