Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains v Brawn 2 - Episode 18
Featuring Groundhog Day, knowing your left from your right, lamb roasts, being brilliant at puzzles and AJ being AJ
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Previously on Australian Survivor: Bountys were disambiguated, idols were deployed and Paulies were dismissed
Groundhog Day
Grade: A-
Everybody returns to the beach, congratulating Myles on another idol play and, of course, immediately forgetting that they ever unanimously targeted him in the first place.
As Zara explains, “Today’s a new day. Everything resets.” Because apparently this is Groundhog Day Survivor. “I Got You Babe” is streamed through some coconuts on the beach. Ned Ryerson interrupts the players on their way to a challenge. Punxsutawney Phil is captured by Kaelan and eaten.
Speaking of Groundhog Days, Karin is once again fed up with AJ and Myles’ ongoing nonsense. She decides that today’s definitely the day that she might think about considering possibly doing something to maybe put an end to this at some point or, if not, then soon, because she’s almost had just about enough of it.
Kaelan, meanwhile? He’s chillin’. He talks about the Buddy System that everybody else has going on (not Logan), and explains how he’s buddies with everybody. He has all the buddies. Nobody has more buddies than Kaelan. He lives on Buddy Island. He listens to Buddy Holly. And so on and so forth.
Knowing Your Left From Your Right
Grade: D
Off to the reward challenge, a classic game of Dangling Dominoes (Pairs). In singleton form, this is already one of the most frustrating forms of challenges, so heaven knows how maddening it would be when you have to do it with some other person.
Sadly, because of the grave power of odd numbers, Logan doesn’t get to compete in it, thus denying us the delicious sight of her completely losing her mind when her partner (let’s say, Myles) accidentally knocks all the dominoes over.
But, despite sitting out, she still gets to contribute to the challenge, at one point guiding AJ to a dropped domino that he otherwise might not have been able to see. Sure, she doesn’t know the difference between left and right. But AJ knows she doesn’t know. And that’s proper Survivor.
This crucial assistance is enough to give AJ and Kristin the win, and they invite Logan and Kaelan along to the reward.
Lamb Roasts
Grade: A+
That reward? The best reward in the history of the show. Namely, a roasted lamb on a spit. Amazing. Forget your cars and your letters from home and that time George (?) won an investment portfolio or some damn thing.
No. A lamb roast. That’s what we want.
A lamb roast is not just better than any reward. It’s better than any advantage in the game. It’s effectively an idol. If you go on Survivor and see a lamb roast, pick it up in one hand, Kaelan-style, devour all the meat, then hand the bone to JLP at Tribal, knowing you can’t be eliminated. Not really. Not in any way that matters.
Love a lamb roast.
Anyway, the four of them at reward form an alliance (obviously) and call themselves The Cranberries. Then, upon receiving a legal injunction from Island Records, simply The Berries.
Whatever.
The point is there was a lamb roast.
Being Brilliant At Puzzles
Grade: C+
The immunity challenge is a classic game of Barrel Roll Bag Toss Rope Throw Jigsaw. Needless to say, Kaelan, tummy full of the illicit energising power of roast lamb, zips through it, miles ahead of everybody else until he gets to the puzzle.
Once there, he forms an alliance with JLP! He asks JLP not to tell all the stragglers how amazing he is at puzzles.
“What?” says JLP, confused (but secretly delighted?) at becoming part of the game.
“During your commentary, don’t mention that I’m brilliant at puzzles.”
“Well, ‘brilliant’ is a bit strong,” mutters JLP. “But sure.” And he instead focuses most of his commentary on how dreadful Zara is at rolling on a barrel.
AJ Being AJ
Grade: B
Now it’s time to decide who goes home. Everybody agrees on a plan, but Myles has seen the last few weeks of the show and immediately confronts AJ about which way he’s going to mess things up tonight.
“AJ, just checking,” he says. “Are you planning on being you today?”
AJ is unnecessarily vague about this, though. So then Myles is also unnecessarily vague. Which makes Kristin think about changing the plan. Which AJ goes along with, after consulting with Kate and Morgan. Which Myles then realises, and decides to work within, roping in Logan, which makes AJ relent and fill Myles in on the plan, but then Kristin realises if she switches things up, she could get her way, so she tells Karin to switch her vote to Zara, which makes Karin take Logan, Kaelan, Kaelan’s lamb bone, Zara and Kristin aside and ask them to vote out either AJ or Myles, which makes AJ check back in with Kate and Morgan, while Myles has a chinwag with Kaelan’s number one alliance partner, JLP, because what I didn’t tell you is that about halfway through this paragraph they all went to Tribal Council.
The point is that Karin, by trying to protect Zara (and also voting for her?) goes home. Then says in her final words that she wishes everybody would ‘stop playing so safe’?
This is playing it safe?
Maybe they’re right to reset every episode.
Cue Sonny and Cher.
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