Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains v Brawn 2 - Episode 7
Featuring HECS debts, butterfly, inside voices, scrambling and taking hints
Note: Am I doing this again? Apparently I am. Anyway, if you don’t want Australian Survivor content, no need to unsubscribe. Simply use the ‘Manage Subscription’ page to adjust what emails you receive.
Previously on Australian Survivor: Max smelled a rat, the Graduates went to work and Ally had no allies.
HECS Debts
Grade: D
We return from last episode’s Tribal Council with Laura and Karin keen to learn who was voted out and how. Max, using his preferred medium of stupid faces and annoying voices, tries to explain before Zara magnificently steps forward.
She bats her eyelashes and plays with her hair, letting out an airy giggle. “Oh, no!” she titters. “I think I cooked the vote! I couldn’t keep up with all those awful, tricky numbers.” Max, idiot that he is, falls for this. He reverts once more to his Lazy Man’s Jim Carrey routine, and consoles her. “Just a simple mix-up,” he says sympathetically, bending over and using his butt cheeks as a mouth. “Don’t stress about it.”
And from this simple combination of pretending to be way dumber than people thought, and actually being way dumber than people thought, the existence of The Graduates - the secret alliance embedded within the Brains tribe - remains a secret.
This technique for hiding one’s graduate status? Also great news for anybody with a HECS debt.
Butterfly
Grade: B+
With their secret power base now established, The Graduates prepare to consolid—
No. Instead, here’s JLP with swap buffs to undo all their hard work. Brilliant, JLP. Thanks so much.
Buffs are drawn. New tribes are created. The Graduates are separated. And it’s time for their first reward challenge - a classic game of Swim’n’Surf Memory Blocks.
The New Brawn tribe wins this, thanks mostly to Kaelan’s superb butterfly technique, which is so impressive that it addles the mind of his opponents, rendering them incapable of memorising the blocks at the other end of the swim. You think Olympics officials could memorise blocks after Susie O’Neill butterflied her way to a gold medal? They could not, and she’d often have to help set them up properly so the highest first-placed one was in the middle for her gold medal presentation. That’s an Olympic Fact™.
Nevertheless, despite Kaelan’s butterfly-inducing confusion, there is a simple memory trick (one that neurologists don’t want you to know!) for how to memorise the blocks. Simply associate each symbol with a stupid thing Kent (or Nash, if original Brawn) said and come back repeating their nonsense to yourself in a stream-of-idiocy, in order to correctly decode the blocks.
The anchor, for example, feels particularly easy.
Inside Voices
Grade: A
While New Brawn eat delicious reward sandwiches and argue good-naturedly about whether it’s better to shout ‘Battle Stations!’ or ‘Bomb Squad!’ in times of crisis (answer: neither, they’re both BS), the Brains on New Brains tally up the numbers and realise they’re in the minority. They head off searching for idols, with Zara and Myles having a secret conversation at the well, as well.
Or as secret as it can be, given that Myles’ speaking voice is constantly turned up to maximum, like he’s playing the game while wearing noise-cancelling AirPods (understandable, given some of his original tribe mates). Even his subtitles are in ALL CAPS.
Needless to say, Max finds the idol and does the exact kind of loathsome dance you’d expect from him upon doing so.
On the plus side, based on the previous episode’s effort, Max will probably play the idol on Myles, only seconds after rallying the vote against him.
Scrambling
Grade: A+
Not that any of this matters for now, because the immunity challenge - a classic game of Chest Obstacle Course Disk-Poling - sees New Brains win, sending New Brawn to Tribal Council.
An utter madhouse of shifting alliances ensue. There are ostensibly five Original Brains and four Original Brawn on the tribe, but one of those is Rich, who is unsure which way to go. Paulie tries to win him over to their side, but as he does so, Ursula and Noonan get into an argument. Meanwhile, AJ, like some kind of superhero, tries to pull Paulie and Noonan into his numbers, willing to give up Logan in order to get the coolest possible version of The Graduates at the merge.
But here comes Rich, looking to put the pressure on AJ to blindside Logan. They have the following conversation.
“If you’re down for it, I’m keen, bro.”
“I’m so down, bro.”
“So keen.”
“Down.”
“Keen.”
“Bro.”
“Bro.”(fist bump)
“Sorry. Who are we targeting again?”
Somehow everybody agreeing to vote Logan also falls apart, with Rich claiming that he needs AJ to go blow up some balloons? (Things were getting very strange at this point.) Ursula and Noonan continue to squabble. AJ explains to Karin that Logan is the target because Rich has flipped, so now the original Brains switch their target to Rich, just as Paulie also pivots the Original Brawn vote to Rich, while Ursula and Noonan bicker some more.
Oh, and Kaelan? He disappeared for the entire segment, presumably butterflying out in the open ocean. Everybody else scrambling, our beautiful prince glides to shore on a wave. Gets a nod from AJ. Votes accordingly. Sleeps the slumber of the carefree.
Taking Hints
Grade: C+
Off they go to Tribal Council. JLP takes a stool and begins the conversation.
“Okay,” he says. “At first glance it wo—“
“I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK!!!” screams Ursula, almost as loud as a Myles whisper, and she heads immediately off to vote for Noonan.
JLP, taking the hint, decrees. “It is time to vote.”
Rich votes for Logan, and inexplicably declares that Laura is next, apparently now of the belief that he can swap back and forth between tribes at will.
But it doesn’t matter. Everybody else has voted for him. Richly satisfying.
JLP then gives his post-vote musings, talking about the Brains ‘eating their own’. This raises the gruesome prospect of the season being overrun zombie brains. Or cannibal brains. Or zombie cannibal brains.
Or fine young cannibal zombie brains?!?
Reminder: If you subscribe to the newsletter to receive these Australian Survivor updates and do not care for the sport of cricket, make sure you select the non-cricket option by going to the ‘Manage Subscription’ section.
Similarly, if you only want the cricket and care not for Australian Survivor, you can also use the ‘Manage Subscription’ option to adjust what you receive.
It really is that simple.