Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains vs Brawn - Week 6
Featuring reintegration, KFC, Gerald, Laura and Emmett
Previously on Australian Survivor: Hayley and Baden did the Redemption Rock, idols were passed on and bullshit was not nipped in the bud.
Here’s my report card for the sixth week of Australian Survivor
Reintegration
Grade: A-
Hayley’s return to the game has the Brawn faction concerned and determined to vote her straight back out immediately. After all, the reasons she was voted out unanimously in the previous Tribal Council still apply. More so, in fact.
“What’s the saying?” asks Flick.
“The most dangerous man is the man with nothing to lose,” replies Emmett, inventing a famous aphorism.
“Exactly. And Hayley’s that man.”
“She sure is.”
Hayley, meanwhile, has deduced that the best way for her to form some fresh social bonds is by turning Cara’s empathy power against her. She reveals to her that she’s completely reformed since her time on Redemption Rock.
“I don’t want to be a schemer and master manipulator any more,” lies Hayley. “I no longer want to give players blindsides, I just want to give them — ”
“Pizza?” guesses Cara.
“Hugs,” says Hayley.
“I sensed that,” says Cara.
And they hug, and Hayley’s back into the fold. JLP even asks George at the reward challenge mat whether he and Hayley have buried the hatchet.
George avoids answering the question, of course, but Gerald is thrilled. There’s a buried hatchet?? This changes everything.
KFC
Grade: B+
The reward challenge is for a trip to the pub. But not just any pub. A KFC pub. But not the kind of KFC the players might be used to seeing in the big smoke. JLP’s talking Kloncurry Fried Chicken.
As they scarf down Zonger Box after Zonger Box, Dani explains to Flick, Gerald, Wai and Laura that she wants to target Emmett if he loses immunity. Wai and Laura are cool with this — whatevs, just leave the Brains alone. But Flick is concerned and scurries back to Emmett to tell him the bad news. Gerald, meanwhile, is just wondering where that hatchet might be buried.
Gerald
Grade: B-
The immunity challenge turns out to be holding up a block of wood with your legs. Y’know, for a season that’s purportedly a contest between brains and brawn an awful lot of the challenges seem to be, shall we say, lacking in intellectual stimulation. Why not have the players answering cryptic crossword clues while holding up a block of wood with their legs?
Anyway, Emmett loses immunity to Andrew. A lot of people criticise Andrew’s edit this season, but I think it’s great to see a mime play Survivor.
Emmett’s loss sees the Brawn faction immediately go after one another.
Dani targets Emmett. Emmett targets Dani and gets Flick to play that dodgily swapped idol on him. Bad news for Dani. Except that George has meanwhile rallied all the Brains to vote out Gerald.
It’s all wild, excellent stuff.
“Never did find that buried hatchet,” thinks Gerald as his torch is snuffed.
Laura
Grade: D
On the second episode this week, the players get news that Flick’s mum has died. This is very sad and I shan’t be making jokes about it. In a season of shithouse twists, this has been the shithousest one of the lot.
But you know what, against all odds, is not a shithouse twist? That’s right. The new idol that the producers have invented. It’s not just a hidden immunity idol. It’s a secret hidden immunity idol.
Yes, a hidden immunity idol that’s also a secret. Plus, it’s invisible and odourless. You have to will it into existence with a magic wish that’s triggered by the three sacred words written in invisible ink on the back of your parchment in a mysterious code.
It’s described in the promos as ‘the most powerful advantage in Survivor history’ which fills everybody who’s followed this season so far with dread. And yet… somehow… it’s a fun idea.
Less fun is a random rule change at the immunity challenge that means that the first five people who finish are immune rather than the traditional first one person.
Bizarrely, they still make a big deal out of who wins (it’s Andrew, who uses the energy he conserves from never talking into powering his running).
Anyway, Cara’s the target for some reason. But George suddenly declares that tonight’s the perfect opportunity to make a risky move, as he does on literally every vote.
So he plays the secret hidden immunity idol on Cara and oh, let’s say, Laura goes home instead.
Emmett
Grade: D
Everybody is furious that George has saved Cara. And nobody’s more furious than Andrew, who bangs on an on about it in confessional after confessional. He wants both of them gone.
Yak, yak, yak. Man, does this Andrew guy ever stop talking?
At the reward challenge, Dani wins a car.
“You may have won a car, but I’ve won a Cara,” says George, beaming with delight at the wordplay. Everybody ignores him. He clears his throat. “I said ‘You may have — ”
“We heard you, George,” says Dani.
Then Hayley wins immunity, denying both George and Cara safety. Everybody else can therefore split votes on the two of them and ensure that one of them goes home.
Emmett reassures Hayley that voting out George is the best plan. “You’re now in our alliance,” he says. “Let’s knock these others out and when we get to the top five with me in a majority three and also an unstoppable challenge threat, we’ll let Fate decide what happens.”
That doesn’t sound ideal to Hayley, so she slips some Ritalin in the rice to ensure that everybody regains their focus just long enough to vote out Emmett like they’d all planned to do right back at the start of the week.