Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 11
Featuring charades, leaning, fake conversations and Shyamalan
Previously on Australian Survivor: let us never speak of episode ten again
Here’s the report card for the eleventh episode of Titans v Rebels
Charades
Grade: B+
In the aftermath of the previous episode’s shocking horseshit twist, we head back to New Titans camp to burn Charles’ disgusting socks.
A sweaty socks scene?! At 7:37pm on a Monday night?! Disgusting. What if children are watching, Channel Ten? (Ha ha ha! I’m joking, of course. Children watching free to air television? Come on, now.)
After Valeria briefly entertains us with her lexicological musings on the word ‘immunity’ (which she adorably pronounces ‘immoonity’, as in ‘I am immoone to Feras’s charms’, or ‘try to edit me as unlikeable all you like, editors, but my accent and general DNGAF attitude gives me immoonity from your efforts’), we’re over to the New Rebels, where Eden is desperately trying to get a game of charades going.
“Fourth syllable: car,” the others eventually guess after about an hour and a half of Eden making (technically illegal) brrrmm-brrrmm noises as he pretends to drive around the camp.
Eden taps his nose. That’s right!
“Dude, Where’s My Car?” guesses Kitty.
“Cars 3?” tries Caroline.
“Carrie?” is Mark’s attempt.
“Baby Driver?” says Alex.
Just before Eden is about to implode in frustration, they’re all summoned to a challenge.
Leaning
Grade: C
Before the challenge, JLP invites the New Rebels to guess the circumstances under which Charles went home. “Good fucken luck,” mutters Kirby, beneath her breath.
Obviously they fail to guess, so Winna paints the picture, which the editors then heavily edit down from what I imagine was about forty minutes of him swearing furiously about the stupidity of the twist.
JLP claps his hands together. “That’s enough of that,” he says. “Once again, immoonity is back up for grabs.” (And he gives Valeria a little wink that she ruthlessly ignores.)
Turns out it’s a simple game of Angled Rope Hold (Scalding Feet Variant), in which players simply hold on to a rope on an angled ramp that’s growing ever hotter under the scorching Survivor sun (“In this game, your feet being on fire represents life,” explains JLP). A classic.
So, in retrospect, some great foreshadowing earlier in the episode about how useful socks would have been in this challenge.
Who leans the best? Aileen’s the best.
Fake Conversations
Grade: D-
The New Rebels therefore head back to camp for some scheming, which is basically the middle-aged mafia standing around a well confirming they’ll split the votes on Alex and Rianna, before somebody heads off to tell Jaden.
To be fair, “And I’ll let Jaden know (end result of detailed voting plan everybody else in the alliance has cooked up together)” is the perfect summary of the big man’s game so far.
But things get trickier for Jaden when Caroline reveals that there’s also a second, secret plan. She’s putting out a hit on Mark and the original plan he was told is not, in fact, what they want him to do.
But it’s not just Jaden who’s confused (‘wait, I get two votes now?’). Plans to nail down the hit on Mark go awry when it turns out that he has at least four other clone bodies and can insert himself into every single conversation before Tribal Council.
Frustrated by Mark’s omnipresence, Caroline aborts the whole thing. Just like in The Godfather (1972), when Michael changed his mind at the last moment and instead of targeting the other mob bosses, ordered the hit to be on somebody innocuous instead, like a postman or Alex.
Shyamalan
Grade: C+
Off to Tribal Council then, where Eden, speaking on behalf of all of us, gives JLP a dressing down about how there had better not be any entertainment-ruining twists this episode.
“You don’t want to be like a The Happening (2008), dir. M Night Shyamalan or Signs (2002), dir. M Night Shyamalan or The Village (2004), dir. M Night Shyamalan, do you?”
“I would never do such a thing,” lies JLP, as the Chubby Checker background music cranks up.
“Oh, here we go,” mutters Kitty.
JLP explains that instead of voting somebody out, one of the players who gets a vote will instead be sent to New Titans beach.
“Oh, that’s not so bad,” says Eden. “I guess it’s like a Split (2016), dir. M Night Shyamalan.”
And they end up sending Alex back to the New Titans, just because it’d be fun to see him driven insane by Kelli some more.
