Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 24
Featuring bringing along iPads, removing hats and counting numbers
Previously on Australian Survivor: Mark was Cinderella, Caroline made fire and Raymond was trapped in a net
Here’s the report card for the finale of Titans v Rebels
Bringing Along iPads
Grade: B+
It’s time for the finale, and to celebrate, JLP appears on The Project beforehand to plug it. Is it enough to get me interested in watching The Project? Of course not. For the twenty-fourth and final time this season: ‘okay, that’s enough, The Project’.
After some blatantly obvious ‘Feras is a butterfly’ imagery (or possibly ‘Feras is a fly trapped in butter’? Keep us guessing, Survivor), we’re straight into the immunity challenge.
The challenge is Wheel of Foot Pain, a Survivor classic! It’s three wheels of an invisible giant tricycle that are rotated by a team of oxen (or possibly the jury) hidden underground.
Before we get to that, however, we meet the final three’s loved ones, who I desperately hope have brought along an iPad or something. This might take a while.
Mostly, however, I’m just sad that Raymond’s not here to say things like ‘shit’s about to get wheel!’ or ‘where there’s a wheel, there’s a way’ (and then Wei from the Brains v Brawn season comes out as his loved one).
Removing Hats
Grade: B+
Several hours later, Feras wins immunity, just as the inexplicably spoilery official Australian Survivor Twitter account predicted, when he comes up with the very smart tactic of simply severing the nerve endings in his feet to avoid feeling pain. Good Survivor play!
So it’s straight to Tribal Council where, despite Mark immediately taking his hat off to Feras, Feras makes him put it back on so he can vote for him.
And that’s the end of Mark, easily the best dolphin never to win Survivor.
Remember when Mark did that fake coconut pass during a challenge? You don’t see that from non-diplomats.
Counting Numbers
Grade: B+
So now it’s just Feras and Caroline to face the Final Tribal Council. A foregone conclusion, you might think, but not if Caroline gets her way. Out of nowhere, she summons up some sudden vivid birth imagery to really liven up one of the duller segments of the episode and remind us that this woman is capable of anything!
The jury questions, however, are mostly predictable. Some Rianna chat about ‘morals of the game’. A reference to sweet, cinephilic Eden. Jaden skipping out halfway through for a gym session.
But then it’s time for Valeria, who asks both Feras and Caroline how many votes they expect to get. They’re both kinda wishy-washy with their answers, which gets her all riled up.
“Are you not even capable of counting up the numbers?” she sneers. “Something that even the stupidest of school children learn how to do at a very young age? Are you dumber than very small infants? Could a baby count higher than you?”
“It’s a great question, Valeria… thank you,” they reply.
God, I’ve missed Valeria.
But as the hero music swells behind Feras’s closing arguments, he begins to realise that’s almost as big a spoiler as anything that might be posted from the show’s official social media accounts.
Feras clears his throat. “Excuse me, Valeria,” he says. “9-0.”
And she smiles. Because this is, indeed, the correct answer.
And that’s where we end this season of Feras Wins Survivor. A classic.