Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 14
Featuring venting, knot perching, aching triceps and cutting arms off
Previously on Australian Survivor: Tribes were merged, Valeria sought vengeance and Scott had enough
Here’s the report card for the fourteenth episode of Titans v Rebels
Venting
Grade: D-
In the aftermath of the Tribal Council, Caroline is upset about Mark’s betrayal and vents with Kitty. “I just can’t believe that an alliance named after the mafia would ever turn on one another!” she exclaims.
Kitty is sympathetic. Well, to a point. After all, she’d been the one who would have gone home had the vote gone through the previous night.
In desperation, Caroline turns to Jaden, a man who may or may not be aware that this holiday in Samoa has a strategy/social competition element attached to it.
“Hey,” says Jaden, wondering when he can go back to his weights. “Shouldn’t we be doing one of those impunity challenges?”
Knot Perching
Grade: B+
And Jaden is (sorta) right! Because it’s time for a game of ‘Ever-Higher Shrinking Knot Dangler’, a Survivor classic.
JLP explains that the contestants will be perching on knots.
“Wait, are you saying we’re knot perching?” says Mark.
“I’m saying you are perching,” replies JLP. “On knots.”
“So, we’re knot perching.”
“You are perching. On knots.”
“Knot perching.”
This goes on for far longer than you might hope, highlighting once again Mark’s tremendous diplomatic skills.
In fact, it goes on longer than the challenge itself, much to JLP’s obvious annoyance.
Aching Triceps
Grade: F
Back to camp, where everybody gets ready for the vote. Valeria decides Kitty is sufficiently paranoid that she need not be taken out tonight.
“Kitty, she is obviously a very weak player,” explains Valeria. “Much like the kitten she is named after, who would be easily torn to pieces by a bear or even a very medium-sized emu bird.”
Instead, she shifts the target to Caroline, something that sets her midwifery-senses tingling. “I’ve got a bad feeling,” she says to Jaden.
“A bad feeling?” says Jaden. “Like when your triceps ache after an upper body resistance training session?”
“Sure,” says Caroline, sensibly heading off to talk to Feras instead. She and Kitty propose a convoluted scheme where they would effectively eliminate the untrusted Rianna and Alex from the vote by giving them fake names to vote for, enabling their side to win the day despite only having six votes out of a possible thirteen.
Cutting Arms Off
Grade: D-
While consulting with Feras (who, by the way, remains easily my favourite ever Survivor player whose name sounds like a metallic adjective), does Caroline propose targeting Mark, her actual nemesis? Ha ha ha! Oh, you sweet summer child. Of course not. She’ll target, let’s say, Winna instead.
Sure, in some upcoming episode, a player might organise the votes to go against the actual person they want gone and they’ll blow this game wide open! But that is not this episode.
On the plus side, it gives us the delightful scene of an oblivious Winna musing philosophically during Tribal Council.
“Where there is chaos, there’s clarity,” he begins. “Where there is greed, there’s charity.”
He continues his rhyming rumination as the other players vote. “Where there’s politeness, there’s vulgarity. Where there’s—”
JLP eventually interrupts him to read the votes. Turns out Caroline and Kitty’s plan has worked. Winna is blindsided and voted out. Is he upset? Not really.
“Where there’s blindsiding, there’s hilarity,” he suggests. But not before he performs a wicked TikTok prank on JLP that goes viral.