England v South Africa Report Card

Featuring going Full Poochie, the K-1000 and shrinking rays

Going Full Poochie
Grade: D

It was the day the wheels completely came off for England’s World Cup campaign. And by ‘came off’, I mean ‘burst into flames’, as Jos Buttler won the toss and elected to field in hot, humid conditions - a true tyre fire of a decision.

For a handful of overs, things looked to be going well for England. Reece Topley had Quinton de Kock caught behind second ball, and Reeza Hendricks and Rassie van der Dussen were taking their time to get into the innings.

Then Topley copped a fingerful of a cricket ball, driven straight back at him, and went off injured. 

His absence had Nasser Hussain on commentary almost immediately going Full Poochie, asking “Where’s Topley? When’s he coming back on?”

The answer was: not until much, much later in the innings. And even then, England’s finest left-arm fast-bowling ogre was only able to return with a couple of his bowling fingers taped together. 

Reece Tapeley, if you will.