England v West Indies Second Test, Day Three Report Card

Featuring foxes, forgetting who is incompetent and leaving the ball

Foxes
Grade: B

The third day of this Test began with the West Indies five wickets down and roughly sixty runs behind. That swiftly became nine wickets down and thirty runs behind as the West Indies continued with their stubborn habit of playing poorly in this series while I’m awake. 

Luckily, Shamar Joseph arrived in the middle at that point to join Joshua Da Silva, and the cat and mouse games began.

‘Cat and mouse’ is used metaphorically, of course. There were no small animals scurrying around the outfield. Although, having said that, earlier in the week, a fox made its way onto the ground during one of the myriad of England white ball games I can’t keep track of. 

To be clear, when I say ‘fox’, I don’t mean Ben Foakes, despite the fact he is a) very handsome and b) in possession of a surname that sounds very much like ‘fox’.

Is Ben Foakes Too Handsome For Test Cricket?

No, I’m talking about a literal fox. Which raises the question: Why not a new sport that blends the best of fox hunting and T20 cricket?

Idiots on horses, fielding the ball, blowing their silly trumpet things. Dogs chasing the non-striker (who is dressed as a fox), flushing them out of their crease. Hunters running them out, then shooting them.

BAD AI IMAGE OF: Fox hunters, winning the toss, electing to chase

Proper sport. Proper English sport.