India v Australia Second ODI Report Card

Featuring madly reinventing one's self and Rodrigueses

Madly Reinventing One’s Self
Grade: A

Australia won the toss and decided they’d bat first. Before Alyssa Healy even had a chance to think any further about this decision, perhaps chat it over with her friends and family, she was out there in the middle. Despite this, she was paradoxically struggling to find the middle, as she and Phoebe Litchfield got off to a steady but unspectacular start. 

(At least we assume it was Phoebe. It may well have been her no-good twin sister, Ursula.)

Luckily, Ellyse Perry showed up and started smashing everything all around the place. (By which, to be clear, I mean that Healy was dismissed, and Perry came out to bat in an aggressive fashion. It’s not like she wandered into the ground during the opening partnership, like a mafia heavy, making veiled threats: “Real nice stadium you got here, India. Real classy, like. It'd be a shame if somethin’ were to, y’know, happen to it.”)

BAD AI IMAGE OF: One of The Don’s thugs, finally making it to India

In an innings where every other top order Australian batter struggled to reach a strike rate in the seventies, Perry raced along to her fifty at better than a run a ball. 

Perry’s ability to just completely reinvent herself as a cricketer seemingly on a whim is genuinely mad.

“I’m a great bowler who takes wickets at will. Should I become a great batter too? Yes, why not.”

“We don’t need an anchor in the middle order any more? Okay, I’ll now be a rapid-scoring top order six-hitter.”

Silly. She’ll probably finish her career as a leg-spinner and specialist first slip.