Men’s Ashes First Test Report Card, Day Five

Featuring Ben Stokes' bollocks, righteous repudiation and Pat fucken Cummins

Ben Stokes’ Bollocks
Grade: A

After the first session of the final day was lost to criminal England rain, Scott Boland and Usman Khawaja resumed for Australia. A glimpse of Australia’s openers for the second Test? Perhaps.

Australia needed 174 further runs to win as play commenced, with England requiring seven more wickets. Boland was the first to fall, ye…