Men’s Ashes Third Test Report Card, Day Four

Featuring exploding heads and testing blows

Exploding Heads
Grade: B+

Chasing 224 on the final day with ten wickets in hand, the match oscillated back and forth, with Mitchell Starc, in particular, heroically striking again and again every time England threatened to pull away.

England, for their part, innovated, sending in Moeen Ali at three (Mothreen Ali?) after Starc trapped Ben Duckett. (Trapped him LBW, to be clear. He didn’t snare him in a mousetrap or anything.)

But Starc was having none of it, castling Moeen with one that blasted through his defences and knocked middle stump out of the ground. 

Australia were inching their way in front of the match, and threatened to pull ahead still further when Cameron Green briefly substituted in the gully while, I dunno, Mitch Marsh went and had a poo or something.

The prospect of Green taking a screamer and Piers Morgan’s head exploding was thrilling. But, alas, too much to hope for, even in this most gripping of series.