New Zealand v Australia First Test Report Card, Day One

Featuring blaring horns of shame, specifically invented rumours and very good boys

Blaring Horns of Shame
Grade: D-

Australia had, astonishingly, deigned to make the lengthy journey to New Zealand, for their first Test series over there in eight years. Excited at the rare presence of his baggy green visitors, Tim Southee won the toss and accepted the rare present of a bigly green pitch.

Despite the juicy conditions, bowling first was sti…