New Zealand v Australia First Test Report Card, Day Two

Featuring terrible dawning realisations, bargaining, story circles and polite inebriation

Terrible Dawning Realisations
Grade: D+

So perfect was the first day of this Test in setting up an evenly matched spectacle that on the morning of the second day, I jumped on a plane to Wellington to see the rest of the match.

Sure, I’d miss the first session while I was in the air, but hopefully not too much would happen during the flight.

Imagine my surprise when I landed to see that nothing had happened. I got my New Zealand eSim set up, only to discover that none of the online scorecards were refreshing. Was this some kind of bizarre Kiwi 4G network regulation? What was going on?

No, you stupid websites. I don’t want to see the score from stumps last night. Show me the score now. I can see through the window of the plane that the sun is out. I know they must be playing. What’s the score in New Zealand’s innings?

And then… the slow, terrible dawning realisation that the scoreline wasn’t 279/9. It was 379/9.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Bargaining
Grade: C-

As the grim reality of Cameron Green and Josh Hazlewood’s record tenth wicket partnership enveloped me, I blitzed through denial, skipped anger entirely, and went straight to bargaining.

Well, maybe the pitch has flattened out and New Zealand will amass a similar total, I reasoned. Might even get to see a day of Kane Williamson amassing yet another century to add to his recent stellar run of form. That would be delightful. 

And, oh, here’s the wicket of Tom Latham falling, to bring Williamson to the crease just as we arrive at the ground. That’s perfect. Now, time to settle in and… well, that’s odd. Why are he and Will Young crashing straight into one another in the middle of the pitch?

Williamson, run out for a duck. Comically run out. Which, in one sense, is lovely of him to provide some funny cricket the instant I arrive. Must know I’m a fan. But, y’know, as much as I love the funny cricket, Kane, a few hours of good cricket before you got to the comedic stuff would have also been fine.

Never mind. Here’s a place to sit. Let’s just enjoy Rachin Ravindra’s delightful brand of effortless, floppy-haired batting. 

Well, now, what’s he doing?