New Zealand v England First Test, Day One Report Card
Featuring third seasons, recapturing magic and discomforting absences
Third Seasons
Grade: B
It feels like we’re starting the third season of the Bazball TV show. Sure, we could probably quantify this analogy, and in the process more accurately map England’s performances under the two-headed Stokes-McCullum leadership beast to the trajectory of a multi-season sitcom. But it feels more Bazballesque to just go with the vibes of the thing (opportunity to make a ‘release dates’/‘release heights’ joke notwithstanding). And the vibe is ‘third season’.
We’ve had the critically-acclaimed, Emmy award-winning first season, which took the world by storm, and tore up the rulebook for what was possible. It featured a star turn from Jonny Bairstow, who showed previously unknown range. So much buzz about that first Bazball season. Buzzball. Fans loved it. Critics loved it. Great show.
A tricky second season followed. The Bairstow character went off in directions that fans of the first season found difficult to follow. Some new characters were introduced, then discarded when they didn’t quite fit into the flow of the show. The golf subplot of the first season became overused. Critics began to turn.
So, now, onto the third season of Bazball. The show runners have reportedly recast Ollie Robinson, who is now played by Ollie Robinson, and whose character is said to be undergoing a radical shift. (The new Ollie Robinson is apparently on a plane to New Zealand right now. Let’s hope he’s surrounded by a flight full of Ollie Robinson decoys to confuse and throw off the Kiwi authorities and paparazzi. (Also, they’re shooting the first few episodes of this third season in New Zealand because maybe Peter Jackson is directing? An intriguing rumour. It would also explain why there’s been so much forced perspective used to accentuate Ben Duckett’s lack of height.)
Recapturing Magic
Grade: B
This third season of Bazball has other exciting elements that have fans of the show hopeful that they can recapture that season one magic.
Firstly, overthrows. A comic staple, but one skillfully employed by England on the opening day of this Test, confidently turning ones into fives, and twos into fours in amusing defiance of the very fundamentals of arithmetic. Suck on it, Kurt Gödel.
Second, a return to falling over, something sadly absent recently after beloved character Mark Wood was inexplicably written out in the back half of the second season.
Terrible reviewing remains a comic constant for the show, but with an exciting new twist, as captain Ben Stokes at one point asked for a show of hands to determine whether they should send a decision upstairs. Superb and timely satire, especially with the third umpire rejecting the review, underlining the point that democracy simply does not work.
And, of course, it’s not a season of Bazball without dreadful over rates. The third season is off to a wonderful start here, with just 83 overs bowled in an extended day, an over rate so slow that England are already out of the next World Test Championship, as well.
Is the magic back for Bazball season three? Well, let’s just see when Ben declares, shall we?
Discomforting Absences
Grade: D
New Zealand, meanwhile, are just pottering around in their usual charming fashion, the equivalent of some kind of low budget, but decently-rated, competition reality TV show. So You Think You Can Beat India in India, perhaps. Or New Zealand’s Got Cricketing Talent. Or Project Run Accumulation.
The point is that Kane Williamson was back, summoned to the crease almost immediately, after Brydon Carse used the dread power of overstepping to extend his first over to eight balls. That was enough to give him sufficient rhythm to take a smart caught and bowled chance off his octo-delivery. Bazball, baby!
However, Williamson’s very sensible counter-programming soon saw all but the most dedicated of Bazball viewers back in England off to bed. While he was at the crease, everybody could just cosily acknowledge that nothing too crazy was going to happen. Runs would be smartly accumulated and a very normal total would be reached by the end of the day.
And so it proved. The home side moved from 1/4 to 4/227 in Williamson’s comforting presence. Then 5/227 to 8/298 in his discomforting absence, before three overs of new ball lower order counter-attack saw them finish the day on 8/319.
Who’s ahead of the game at this point? Well, we’ll just have to wait for the ratings to come out, won’t we?
