New Zealand v England Second Test, Day Three Report Card
Featuring not being dirty
Not Being Dirty
Grade: C
Day three began with Joe Root on 73, and England batted on long enough for him to bring up his century in the manner of a circus clown, with a disgusting ramp shot for four.
Come on, now, Joseph. You’re better than this. Leave that tomfoolery for the distractible children in the team, and set an example for once in your 10,000+ run life.
Shortly after, Ben Stokes performed a half-Hick on himself (this is not dirty), declaring on 49* with England 6/427, setting New Zealand 583 to win.
Did they get there? I’ll never know, because I switched over to watch the women’s ODI between Australia and India instead.
Oh, wait. There are websites that tell you the score. Turns out… (clicks past pop-up ad for a bungee jumping Lord of the Rings tour) New Zealand did not get there, all out for 259 instead. Apparently, Tom Blundell scored 115. Good for him.
England win the series, taking an unassailable 2-0 lead. You can’t assail it. You won’t assail it.
Although, to be fair to the Black Caps, if I’d beaten India 3-0 in India, I’d take the summer off, too.
