Pakistan v England Second Test Report Card, Day Two

Featuring the Pakistan tail and the vibes of Sajid Khan

The Pakistan Tail
Grade: B+

Despite losing the wicket of Mohammad Rizwan in the third over of the second day, the Pakistan tail frustrated England, stretching their tally to 366 all out.

First, it was Salman Agha. Like an Orson Welles-hating cinema owner, Ben Stokes refused to have the third man in play, allowing Salman to repeatedly guide the ball wide of the decimated slips cordon for boundaries on his way to 31. 

Then it was Aamer Jamal, suffering from a mysterious hip injury. (By which I mean an injury to his actual hip rather than some kind of ‘groovy’ injury to another part of his body.) Channelling World Cup Glenn Maxwell energy, Jama(xwel)l, batted with no footwork, thrillingly reverse-sweeping fours, and eventually finding his way to 37.

Rounding out the thirty-something tail contributions was friend of wordplay enthusiasts, Noman Ali. ‘Noman’s land’. ‘Time waits for Noman’. ‘Remember the time Miranda Otto killed the Witch King in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King?’. You name it, Noman was out there long enough for punsters to work their way through pretty much all the options inherent in his magnificent name. (Which is to say, one man was out there long enough. And that one man was Noman. You get the idea.)

BAD AI IMAGE OF: Orson Welles berating the Witch King

Eventually, however, Noman was left behind, batting with the number eleven, Zahid Mahmood. He still, however, scored 32 before being the last man out. (Noman was willing to see the innings through to the end.)

The Vibes of Sajid Khan
Grade: A