South Africa v Australia Second ODI Report Card

Featuring guillotine batting, looming penalty runs and match-altering manicures

Guillotine Batting
Grade: C

For the second ODI, Australia were asked to bat first. “Good gracious, Temba,” replied Mitch Marsh. “I am overwhelmed by your boundless generosity and unparalleled sportsmanship in bestowing upon us the esteemed opportunity to bat first in this One Day International! My heart swells with gratitude as I humbly accept your incredibly considerate offer. All of Australia thanks you for this extraordinary honour.”

He may have been taking the piss.

Also taking the piss? Travis Head opening the batting, whose onslaught at the top of the order saw Australia blast their way to a century within the first batting power play of ten overs. With South Africa feeding him endless short balls outside the off stump, there were more Head cuts than the French Revolution.