USA v Pakistan Emergency Report Card

Featuring clarifying things for American cricket newbies, nostalgia, standard scripts and World Cup final predictions

Clarifying Things For American Cricket Newbies
Grade: D

Emergency report card time! I wasn’t intending to do much more than have the highlights of this game on a half-watched window in the lower corner of my computer monitor as I started my day. And, honestly, probably not even that.

But, of course, I should have known better. This was Pakistan’s first match of the World Cup. Of course those magnificent heroes were going to liven things up. 

They began by losing the toss and staggering to 3/30 at the end of the power play. Of those three wickets, the first was the most spectacular, with Steven ‘Tubby’ Taylor diving from first slip to reel in Mohammad Rizwan in just the second over. (Not literally ‘reel in Rizwan’, of course. Take the catch after Saurabh Netravalkar found the edge of Rizwan’s bat. (Not literally ‘found the edge of Rizwan’s bat’, of course. Take the catch after the ball that Netravalkar bowled hit the outside edge of Rizwan’s bat and flew to Taylor’s diving, outstretched hand. (Apologies for all the parenthetical clarifications, but it’s necessary to avoid confusing any new American fans who might stumble onto this report card. (And nothing spells confusion avoidance like multiple levels of inserted asides (On the plus side, the correct number of closing brackets on this report card means it might function as valid C++ code. Only one way to find out.)))))

Nostalgia
Grade: C+

Pakistan never really recovered from the early USA onslaught and were only able to reach 7/159 from their twenty overs.

In reply, the USA cruised sensibly towards the target. Indeed, with them needing 56 off the last seven overs with nine wickets in hand, I was utterly baffled as to how the match went to a super over. (Spoiler!)

A couple of quick wickets from Mohammad Amir and Haris Rauf offered some clues to how this match might tie up. But the USA hero from the first match, famed Canadian nemesis Aaron Jones, was still there, batting busily to keep them within range.

Nitish Kumar was less busy, though, dithering about, checking social media and killing time playing Minesweeper, before finally getting a hustle on for the last ball of the match, hitting it for four to level the scores.

BAD AI IMAGE OF; A man in an unsanctioned cricket helmet killing time on his computer

Still, a Taylor taking smart slips catches and opening the batting, while a Jones provides much needed run-chase energy? Is this 2024 USA or 1994 Australia?