Australian Survivor Report Card - Brains v Brawn 2 - Episode 19
Featuring cannibalism, making your bed, running through bamboo, the post-Graduates and ties
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Previously on Australian Survivor: The players were suffering from Groundhog Day, Karin went home and the players were suffering from Groundhog Day
Cannibalism
Grade: C+
In the aftermath of Karin’s vote-off, Kaelan explains to Zara how he was disturbed by the cannibalism of The Graduates.
“You’re right,” admits Zara. “But we’ve just missed out on so many rewards.”
However, just as Zara is about to show Kaelan the smoked PD shoulder and Zen finger food they’ve stashed away at the back of the camp, Myles shows up to whisk her away and give her lessons about how fun it is to be on the bottom of the tribe and have everybody target you and then find a secret idol and play it to remove somebody irrelevant and then have everybody forget they were targeting you for a bit and then briefly rule the camp, but then slide back down to the bottom again until you get to repeat the entire process.
“Look, I’ll show you,” he says. And he reaches out and grabs an idol hidden in a tree trunk.
Kaelan, meanwhile, has been nabbed (along with AJ) by Kristin, who wants to mend fences and reignite The Berries’ alliance (remember The Berries? No, me neither) between the three of them (plus Logan). Kaelan nods along but later explains to AJ that he’s not having it.
“You don’t trust her any more?” says AJ.
“Nope,” says Kaelan. “Also, you should see what she did to our fence.”
Hell hath no mild disappointment like a Kaelan scorned.
Making Your Bed
Grade: D-
Off to the reward challenge, a classic game of Water Doghouse Balance. The reward? An IKEA gift card!
All the men fall off pretty quickly, but the women stay upright to do balancing battle.
“How long have we been up here?” asks Zara.
“Twenty-five minutes!” announces JLP, pulling a random number out of his butt. And since that’s at least fifteen minutes more than he wants to be out there, he changes the rules so the challenge is borderline impossible, with Kristin the last one to fall off.
She chooses Morgan and Logan to help spend the IKEA gift card. They buy pillows and shampoo and a new alliance - the IKEAlliance! - before spending the bulk of the afternoon making the bed.
Literally making the bed, of course. Eventually, exhausted, they discard the leftover screws and several of the slats, try to ignore the legs of the bed being inexplicably positioned at right angles, and get a good night’s sleep, interrupted only by an Allen key jabbing into their back.
Running Through Bamboo
Grade: D
Time for the immunity challenge, a classic game of Tethered Evacuee Obstacle Course.
“We get to run through bamboo!” says Kaelan, as they arrive at the challenge, which is the first clue that he’ll probably win it, since the normal response from every other human being on the planet is ‘oh, shit, they’re going to make us run through bamboo’.
And, of course, Kaelan does win immunity, his team racing through the challenge, only dropping Kate on one or two occasions, before he wins the individual leg of the challenge.
“Red team, like a well-oiled machine!” shouts JLP, impressed with their work.
And rightly so. Because what’s more impressive than a well-oiled tethered-Kate transportation machine?
The Post-Graduates
Grade: B+
Battle lines are drawn. The IKEAlliance drags in Kate. “You can’t spell ‘IKEAlliance’ without ‘Kate’,” explains Logan.
“Sure you can,” says Kate, but agrees to go along with it anyway.
The remnants of the Graduates, meanwhile (AJ, Myles, Zara and Kaelan) declare that they’re now The Post-Graduates and that they’ll stick together no matter what.
“And no more cannibalism, right?” says Kaelan.
“Hmmm???” says Myles. “Oh, sure.” And he swallows the last bite of Benburger.
We then briefly enter the AJ Hour o’ Mischief™, where he scurries off and tries to mess up everybody’s plans. Honestly, if I were in an alliance with AJ, then a) I wouldn’t be.
But b) if I somehow still was, I would never leave his side after making plans.
Ties
Grade: A-
But not even AJ’s antics (it is also revealed that he can travel back in time, like some kind of Tenet?) can break the deadlock. It’s going to be a 4-4 tie between the Postgraduates and the IKEAlliantce (the ‘t’ added on Logan’s insistence), which means they’ll all have to draw rocks.
Obviously, then, Myles will play his idol. Not only will this keep him safe, it will also improve his side’s chances of winning the rock draw, thus incentivising the other side to flip.
Ha ha ha! No.
This, of course, is far too normal and logical an approach for this season’s players. So, instead Myles and AJ just stare down the IKEAlliantce, crazed gleams in their eyes, announcing that they can’t wait to go to rocks and see what happens.
“Well, then,” sniffs Logan. “If you two want it so badly, maybe we shan’t go to rocks. Maybe instead I’ll ask the IKEAlliantce to all flip so you can unanimously send me home instead.” And she leans back smugly.
“Oh noes!” says Myles, comically slapping his forehead.
“You’ve outwitted us again!” says AJ.
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