Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 20

Featuring flying over the radar, 3am strategy chats and hearts

Previously on Australian Survivor: Alex was on The Bachelor, JLP wanted sharper spikes, and Raymond generated spa puns

Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 19

Here’s the report card for the twentieth episode of Titans v Rebels

Flying Over The Radar
Grade: D+

After Alex blew up her spot the night before, Kirby is worried. She thought she was ‘flying under the radar’ and is stunned - stunned, I tell you - to find that she is instead now being riddled with flak cannons, anti-aircraft artillery batteries and stray Mark votes.

If this is Kirby’s version of ‘flying under the radar’, I’d love to see her trying to play a big loud noisy game

In confessional, Kirby explains the situation to us. “I’m in big trouble,” she says. “So the only option left open to me is to target… (spins giant wheel of names) Mark.”

(To be fair, this random targeting is every single player’s game this season.)

She pulls Feras aside and tells his she wants to take him to the end, explaining when he professes surprise, that she wants to ‘beat the best’.

Y’know, another way to beat the best, Kirb, is to vote the best out well before they get anywhere near final Tribal Council so that you’re more likely to win the game (ie, be the best).

Just putting it out there.

3am Strategy Chats
Grade: F

As Kirby grows increasingly paranoid, she wakes up Feras at 3am to tell him she’ll target Rianna.

“Okay,” says a bleary-eyed Feras, even more determined than ever to target Kirby herself. If somebody wakes you up at 3am to discuss strategy, you vote them out immediately. Like, at 3:02am, if possible. (This is also true in everyday life.)

Let the man sleep, Kirby!

Just as Feras is settling back to sleep, though, the producers ring the Immunity Challenge Bell. It’s a classic game of Pulley Dominoes that Feras finds impossible to win because he’s too tired to a) prevent his weight from toppling the dominoes over and b) realise that if you space the first domino out far enough, then you take the weight out of the equation. 

Raymond is on my wavelength with the big gap between first and second domino. Do I want to be on Raymond’s wavelength? Well, that’s a separate question

Hearts
Grade: D-

Kirby eventually wins the challenge and immediately tries to retract her claim that she’d be happy to vote out Rianna.

She explains to Feras that she’d simply been sleepstrategising and that her waking, lucid brain wants to vote out Mark.

But it’s too late for that. Feras explains to her that you can’t just reshuffle alliances and plans mid-episode. Not this season. The time for random, inexplicable shifts in strategic relationships is at the beginning of each episode.

Do people not even discuss voting for Feras because his name is an anagram of ‘safer’? Because, honestly, that’s a reason I can respect. 

“I know, I know,” says Kirby. She continues to try to save Rianna, but her heart’s not really in it. The producers also do their best to pretend that Mark is a viable alternative target, but their heart’s not really in it either. 

In fact, the only one who has their heart still in it for this episode is that annoying fucking Irwin child, who continues to sing up an off-key storm in the promos for I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, a commercial that is somehow 70% longer when muted.

Rianna is voted out. Her closing words are that ‘Kirby is going to have to dig deep because people are going to be coming at her with pitchforks left, right and centre’

“Pitchforks, eh?” thinks an eavesdropping JLP, and texts the production team an idea for the next immunity challenge.