Australian Survivor Report Card - Titans v Rebels - Episode 8
Featuring connecting dots, toothpick hygiene and Jaden's truly choice island gym
Previously on Australian Survivor: Tribes were swapped, Mark was betrayed, and Kelli turned on a dice
Here’s the report card for the eighth episode of Titans v Rebels
We begin the episode back at New Titans, the tribe that confusingly contains mostly old Rebels, where we get some insight into Scott’s background.
Scott is a formerly rebellious, but now new Titan of Art Direction, who describes himself as the kind of player who ‘loves to connect dots’. This does, unfortunately, suggest that most of the artwork currently at MONA is dot-to-dot puzzles that Scott has meticulously connected and coloured in.
Still, great value and well worth a visit next time you’re down that way.
More importantly, we get an insight into the upcoming Great Furby War between Feras and Kirby.
Feras is trying to recruit Valeria. “Listen,” he says. “There are two alliances on this tribe. One always tells the truth. The other always lies. You may ask just one question to determine which—”
“This is going to take forever!” interrupts an annoyed Valeria, who has schemes of her own. “Can’t I just seduce you instead?”
“No,” says Feras, heroically ignoring her big blue eyes and small pink bikini. “Now, pay attention...”
Over at New Rebels, with its multitude of old Titans, Caroline and Kitty are trying to explain their rationale for voting out Viola the night before. Mark nods along at their sensible explanations, acknowledging the logical gameplay that underpinned it, and agrees that the wisest thing to do from here would be to just move ahead once more as a solid alliance. The only clue to his true feelings are his coldly furious, murderous eyes that are fixed unwaveringly upon them, yielding not one iota in their thirst for immediate vengeance.
“Sure,” he says. “No hard feelings.”
Then it’s time for the challenge, a typical game of Log-Carrying Winch-Cart Tangrams (XL). A classic.
It’s a tough challenge for the New Rebels to win, what with Valeria having critically injured at least three of the middle-aged mafia with a single glare upon discovering that Viola had been voted out.
But Jaden gives them a valuable lead, tossing giant logs to one side ‘like toothpicks’, according to JLP. Which raises the question: who tosses toothpicks to one side? Bad behaviour, unhygienic behaviour.
Still, Jaden’s herculean strength gives his team enough of a lead that they complete the puzzle to send— Oh, wait. That’s not the proper hero music at the end of a challenge. That’s dodo hero music. Turns out New Rebels have lost the plot, enabling Dot-to-Dot Scott to use his powers of art direction to win it for New Titans, humming the genuine hero music as he does so.
Jaden’s Truly Choice Island Gym
The vote will be simple, explains Mark to the former Rebels (who are also New Rebels) back at camp. While the rest of the middle-aged mafia (plus Jaden, sole owner and proprietor of Jaden’s Truly Choice Island Gym) pull in Alex to split votes between Rianna and Sarah, Mark will instead gain vengeance on Caroline by rallying Alex, Rianna and Sarah to secretly blindside Kitty.
Before Mark can finish outlining why his blindside plan makes sense, Sarah and Rianna race off to tell Kitty about his betrayal.
Kitty, in turn, runs back to tell Mark that Sarah and Rianna are making up this absurd lie about him gunning for her.
Mark, keeping his cool, heads back to tell Sarah and Rianna that he understands why they tried to undercut his plan, but, seriously, he does want to work with them, and let’s try this aga—
Oh, wait. There goes Sarah again…
We cross-fade to two hours later, with Mark talking to Sarah once more. “Look,” he says. “I know that you just told Kitty that I said that I was going to tell Eden that she told me that I was going to blindside her like you told him when Alex said that’s what Mark told you. But that’s okay…”
By the time we’re at Tribal Council, nobody knows what’s going on, least of all Jaden, who sums up his entire game by declaring that this afternoon of chaos was ‘pretty cruisey, yeah’.
Then there’s some more whispering and last-minute changes of plans and Mark’s idol play (the correct decision - he knows he can tear apart with his bare hands the defences of any rehidden idol) and a strained Princess Leia voting booth message from Eden.
But mostly, there’s Jaden’s gorgeous, oblivious smile as Rianna’s refusal to vote with Mark sends Sarah home.
Is King Jaden the greatest Australian Survivor player of all time? I say: yes.
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