The Confabulannotated Sherlock Holmes, Chapter 2.2
Featuring turnipberries, Lamarckism and the director's cut of Catch Me If You Can
NOTE: If you have received this via email, you may find it easier to read the confabulannotations online by clicking on the title above.
Previously on my confabulannotations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes mystery, The Hound of the Baskervilles: Holmes misattributed a date
And now, the story continues…
“But I understand that it is something more modern and practical1 upon which you wish to consult me?”
“Most modern. A most practical, pressing matter, which must be decided within twenty-four hours2. But the manuscript is short3 and is intimately connected with the affair. With your permission I will read it to you.”
Holmes leaned back in his chair, placed his fingertips together, and closed his eyes4, with an air of resignation5. Dr. Mortimer turned the manuscript to the light and read in a high, cracking voice6 the following curious, old-world narrative:
“Of the origin of the Hound of the Baskervilles7 there have been many statements, yet as I come in a direct line8 from Hugo Baskerville, and as I had the story from my father, who also had it from his, I have set it down with all belief that it occurred even as is here set forth9. And I would have you believe, my sons, that the same Justice which punishes sin may also most graciously forgive it, and that no ban is so heavy but that by prayer and repentance it may be removed. Learn then from this story not to fear the fruits of the past10, but rather to be circumspect in the future, that those foul passions whereby our family has suffered so grievously may not again be loosed to our undoing.
Holmes here is referring to the ‘modern and practical’ chaise longue upon which Mortimer is sitting, a fact that would have been obvious to readers of the time, although less obvious to the modern (and practical) reader today.
‘A most practical, pressing matter, which must be decided within twenty-four hours’ was also the tagline for the first season of the television show 24.
It’s a little over 1400 words, which is roughly 1300 words longer than what most writing classes recommend for an exposition dump.
When in a sillier mood (or overcome with an urge to make Watson ‘break’), Holmes would lean back in his fingertips, place his eyes together, and close his chair. This particular case, however, has no place for such shenanigans.
When it comes to Holmes, an ‘air of resignation’ is as close as you’ll ever get to permission being granted.
Is this our first clue that Dr. Mortimer is secretly a fourteen-year-old boy? Many Holmes scholars have strong opinions on this matter. (Those opinions? ‘No. Don’t be ridiculous.’)
Conan Doyle, a devout Lamarckist, is parodying Charles Darwin’s ‘On The Origin of Species’ here. Conan Doyle would often show up at Darwin’s lectures and ridicule his theories. ‘Random chance, Charles? Really??’ he would sneer. ‘God’s creatures evolve with a purpose, you stupid, bearded liar!’
The M62
These days we’d simply say ‘Based on a true story’. Although how much more enjoyable would, say, Catch Me If You Can (2002) have been had it opened with Spielberg saying direct to camera, ‘As I had the story from my father, who also had it from his, I have filmed it with all belief that it occurred even as is here projected’?
‘The fruits of the past’ here refers specifically to ‘turnipberries’, unfortunate and unpleasant purple-streaked medieval fare that turned a foul brown within hours of being picked. If incorrectly cooked, they were wildly poisonous, liable to trigger severe cases of sweetrot, honeygut and ‘the purple skin pox’. Turnipberries were successfully outlawed by King James II in 1671 and are now only found as a key ingredient of modern diet energy drinks.